Just some shit I wrote

My existence is purely incidental to life itself. Therefore my being is only relative to what I'm seen by, the air I breathe or the things I touch. One must strive to live, but not to exist. We are all born under a seemingly impossible set of intentions that compel us to fight to survive, especially when that existence is threatened. That existence is defined by our will. The will to live or die for something we believe in. What we love or hate means very little compare to who loves or hates us. That gives us power, courage or strength.

~Andre Terrell McWilliams

I wrote that last year after asking a friend, "What feels better, loving someone or being loved by someone?" Ok, I was having a lovey-dovey moment! However, after reading it I thought to myself, "This makes me look really smart!" So I put it on my myspace page. Yes, I have one too!! But I'm digressing. Actually I began thinking less of what I was getting out of life, and more of what I was giving to it. I'm realizing that my attitude has gotten really messed up! I thought because I had it so bad growing up that the world owes me something. Besides that, I 'm a good guy. I mean that I give of myself, too much sometimes. They say that you should give without expecting anything in return (if only that were true). However, when I do stuff for people I don't give it second thought as if I'll get something for it. That is, if I'll do it (I can say no). But I'd be lying if I said that I'd do something and forget about it. (Yeah right!!) I'm making a mental note! That kind of thinking comes from giving of yourself to a person, not giving of yourself to the world.

So you feel bad when you do something for someone else and they don't do something for you when you request a favor. That's only because when you ask someone to do something for you it's expected that they remember all the nice stuff you did for them. That's why you should give of yourself to the world, because the greatest feeling you get from giving comes from something that you didn't expect to get.

I didn't expect a young man to come up me and say that he remembered when I came and spoke to him and other students at his school. And that I made a positive impact on his life. I used to do stuff like that. But somehow in my quest to get the girl, get the money and get the social status. I forgot, what was important.

My creed for the New Year was to say goodbye to the nice guy. (That didn't last but for two seconds) that was to imply that I was being too nice and that I wasn't getting anything out of it. On the contrary, I'm getting life out of life and it is too short to sweat the small stuff – and it's all small stuff. Plus, I'm only nice to a chosen few.

So this year, as I approach the celebration of my 33rd birthday, I've decided to return to me. This means that you see me more rested (I 'm going to bed early at least three times out the week), more physically fit (I got a membership to the gym), more happy, (even if I don't get the girl) more energetic and having more fun (even if I don't make my first million this year.) A wiser man told me, "Learn to enjoy the finer things in life that other people have already purchased." I had to figure that one out.